Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is a pattern of coercive control that one person exercises over another. Battering is never an accident, it is an intentional act used to gain control over the other person.

 

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Red Flags

Jealousy

Controlling Behavior

Quick Involvement

Unrealistic Expectations

Isolation

Past Battering

Threats of Violence

Breaking or Striking Objects

Any Force During an Argument

Abusive relationships usually do not begin with physical abuse. Rather, the abuse builds over a period of time, beginning with emotional and verbal abuse, which gradually becomes more extreme and eventually may expand to also include physical and sexual abuse. The severity of violence usually increases over time. Anyone can be a victim of abuse: men or women, heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and transsexuals.

  • Its estimated that 95% of domestic assaults are committed by men.

1 in 3 women have experienced intimate partner violence, these rates are similar in LGBT relationships.

The purpose of the abuse is to maintain power and control over one’s partner. Routine intimidation is used to gain that power. The victim of abuse often feels isolated, and afraid. Abuse is not a victims fault. The incidence rate in relationships for gay and lesbian battering and heterosexual battering is approximately the same – 25% to 30% of relationships are abusive.

Physical Abuse Continuum

  • Pinch / Squeeze
  • Push / Shove
  • Shake / Jerk
  • Slap
  • Bite
  • Push / Shake / Slap that bruises
  • Punch / Hit
  • Kick
  • Strangle
  • Throwing objects
  • Targeted physical blows
  • Use of household objects as weapons
  • Throwing person
  • Restraining and physical blows
  • Abuse that requires medical treatment
  • Abuse that results in cuts, broken bones, internal injuries, or miscarriage
  • Use of conventional weapons
  • Abuse that leads to disfigurement or disability
  • Murder

Five Ways Abusers Lure Victims Back

1. THE HEARTS & FLOWERS APPROACH

2. THE SUPERDAD APPROACH

3. THE REVIVAL APPROACH

4. THE SOBRIETY APPROACH

5. THE COUNSELING APPROACH

The victim is the person best able to say what tactics the abusive partner might use. As each tactic is tried and fails, the abusive partner will move on to the next, looking for one that will “work.” It is important not to minimize the safety concerns, since as the victim resists, the frustration level of the abusive partner increases and so may the lethality factor.

50 reasons why victims don’t leave their partners

  1. The Children
  2. Money
  3.  Fear
  4. Relatives blame the victim
  5. Therapist blames the victim
  6. Police blame the victim
  7. Clergy blame the victim
  8. The batterer blames the victim
  9. The victim blames her/himself
  10. No one believes the victim is being abused
  11. The victim doesn’t think s/he’s being abused
  12. The victim’s partner says “I love you”
  13. The victim’s partner says “I’m sorry”
  14. The victim’s partner says “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you”
  15. The victim’s partner says “I’ll never do it again”
  16. The victim’s partner says “I’ll kill you if you leave”
  17. The victim’s partner says “I’ll take the children”
  18. The victim’s partner says “I’ll kill myself if you leave”
  19. The victim will be homeless
  20. The shelters are full or not available
  21. The victim believes the welfare system will abuse her/him more
  22. The victim loves their partner
  23. The abuser loves the victim
  24. The children love them both
  25. The victim’s father abused her
  26. The victim’s mother abused her
  27. The victim’s partner is an alcoholic
  28. The victim’s partner is a drug addict
  29. The victim is an alcoholic
  30. The victim is a drug addict
  31. The victim’s partner’s a pimp
  32. The victim tried to leave before
  33. The victim’s partner found her/him before
  34. The victim can’t speak English
  35. The victim doesn’t have papers to be in this country
  36. The victim is in a wheelchair
  37. The victim is deaf
  38. The victim is mentally challenged
  39. The victim is blind
  40. The abuser is her/his personal care attendant
  41. The abuser is a public figure
  42. The victim is a public figure
  43. The victim can’t read
  44. The victim is afraid of the unknown
  45. The victim is isolated
  46. The victim is depressed
  47. The abuser threatens to expose him/her as a homosexual
  48. The victim never told anyone
  49. It’s not the right time yet
  50. Her partner threatens to report her to DCYF as an unfit mother