It took me a long time to realize that I was living a nightmare. At first, I wasn’t even aware that what I was going through was domestic violence. What hurts me the most is remembering my nine months of pregnancy, they were filled with pain, fear, and sadness. I kept believing that once my baby was born, things would change. He promised me they would, over and over again.
I finally escaped about two months before my baby was born. I couldn’t take it anymore, the abuse, the drinking, the drugs, the anger, and the way he tried to control every part of my life. I couldn’t even go out alone. The first time he was aggressive, I thought it was just because he was drunk, but later I realized it wasn’t just that. Even when he was sober, the violence continued, and it got worse whenever he was using.
I used to hear about domestic violence on the news or from other people, and it always felt like something that happened far away, that could never happen to me. But it did. It’s still hard for me to accept that the father of my beautiful baby was the one who hurt me the most.
If anyone out there is living something similar, please don’t feel ashamed. I did. I didn’t want anyone to know that my dream of a loving family had turned into something so painful. But I want to say this: if you ever feel trapped, please run. Leave. Do it for yourself, and do it for your child. I went back twice, but the third time, I left for good.
At first, I left because of my baby. My love for him was stronger than my fear. With time, I also learned that I need to love myself, that I am valuable, and that God lives in my heart. I must take care of myself and stay strong because my little angel needs me.
Recently, I read something that really touched me: “The price we pay for associating with the wrong people is enough reason to be stricter about who we let into our lives.” It was my biggest mistake to fall deeply in love with him, but from that painful story came the most precious gift I could ever have, my son. For him, I’m willing to do anything.
Now, I just want to live, to take care of myself and my baby, and to give him the best life I can. I will be careful from now on and ask God to guide me in choosing who I let into my life. I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your patience, understanding, and kindness, for being there every time I left and came back, and for never judging me. Thank you for treating me and my baby with so much love and respect. I honestly don’t know what this journey would have been like without you.